Nobody’s Child

Nobodyschild

Mother’s day 2015

Maybe it’s because it’s my Dad’s birthday or, maybe it’s because I can’t walk in a store and not cry, due to all the Mother’s Day ads. Today, I am missing my Mom AND Dad!

I wish I could gather those of us without parents and whisk us away until after Father’s Day. While I am thankful to celebrate the beautiful Mom-in-law that God gave me, there is always a void. I believe this goes for anyone who has lost one, or both, of their parents. I have lost both. They passed within a year of each other. My Mom to cancer and my Dad to a drunk driver.

Nobody’s Child

If you grow up in this world as Nobody’s Child, it’s easy to lose your way. It flat out stinks to have no guidance or, a parent to talk to. This is what I would like to say to anyone who is experiencing these same feelings.

You ARE Somebody’s Child, you ARE God’s Child!

You can still talk to them. Listen to your heart. If you need/want to make a life changing decision or, need the advice of your parent,  ask it out loud and listen to your heart. What you hear in your heart, is your Mother’s words. She is everywhere. You will see her in her favorite resturaunt, clothing store, the flowers you choose for your own garden, a photo on your wall that you bought because, you knew she would love it. You will hear her when you talk to your child, even when you scold them. You will see her hands attached to your arms and her face in the mirror, as you grow older. She will be in the beautiful, yellow butterfly that you see every single Spring and she will be in every decoration you choose for your Holidays. You will taste her mashed potatoes every time you make them or, any of her best recipes because, you will make them the same way. She is all around you and always will be. You can still honor her and celebrate her life. Take her flowers and tell her how you feel. It’s a HUGE benefit to your own soul. One thing I would suggest to anyone who has lost a parent, take time to grieve.  You never get over it, you DO find a way to live with it. Find an inspirational read, such as,

Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, 20th Anniversary Edition by Hope Edelman or Life Goes On by Jenna Rose Lowthert

BOTH are great! Even if you think you’re Nobody’s Child, you’re God’s Child so, go ahead & honor The Mom you never had, the Mom you long for, the Mom you do have or, the Mom you can’t be with, because of the miles between you. No matter the circumstance.

Somebody’s Child

What I would say to somebody who has a Mom, or either parent is, never miss a chance to spend time with her. I know this world can be hectic & crazy but, MAKE time. Record your Mother’s voice, her laugh, especially if it’s a conversation between the two of you. Capture every moment that is special to you. Especially moments with your own children, her grandchildren. Keep all your photos in a safe place so you never have to live with only one picture of your Mom. Get your picture taken together, professionally. That would be a wonderful Mother’s day Gift, actually. A photo shoot! DO it!

If you feel you have a “Bad Mom”, pull your big girl pants up!! Mine was faaaaaaar from perfect but, I would give almost anything to sit and have lunch with her!   I didn’t even know I felt that way, until I grew older and wiser. The bottom line is, our Mom’s are precious. They’re the reason we’re alive. Although I have tried to choose people to take her place, it’s NOT possible. I loved all of my “Fill in Moms” with all of me but, it never filled the void in my heart, for my own mama. Take this Mother’s Day to celebrate you and the Mom in your life.

To ALL of You

I wish you a beautifully blessed Mother’s Day in 2015 and, always. Make memories that you will treasure forever. Not just on Mother’s Day but, all year through! Laugh with those you love, cry if you need to and always…

 Celebrate Mom!

 

Comments

  1. says

    My heart hurts for you and all those who aren’t as lucky as I am to still have mine. I had never thought of the pain all those who have lost theirs go through before a big holiday.
    Sending good thoughts and prayers for you this time of year.
    Hugs

    • says

      Thank you Minette, not only for taking time to read but, for inspiring me to write this. It helped me to face the weekend I feel better about it & am actually excited to go see my Mom-in-law & celebrate this day together. God Bless you & your Mom <3

  2. Cindy says

    I lost my mama 11 years ago and miss her every day. I always got on well with her and we became friends when I became an adult. That didn’t stop me from calling her with every illness and heart break; acting like her little girl again. She always made me feel better and always made me feel safe. Thanks for sharing your message. I couldn’t agree more with your sentiments. Bless you and all children without mothers.

    • says

      Thank you Cindy & God Bless you. I will be saying a prayer for all my visitors.i wish we could all get together & celebrate.

  3. says

    This is by far the most touching thing I’ve read in a long time! Thank you! I do have my mama but lost my father in 2003. I am and always will be a mama’s girl. She wasn’t and still isn’t perfect but who is? I love her so much –all the same as she has dealt with all my ‘not so’ perfect ways no doubt! God bless you my dear friend and thank you for sharing this heart warming blog! <3 ((HUGS))

    • says

      Thank you so much Mish! I think this can apply to the loss of either. It sure is hard on days meant to celebrate them.

  4. says

    My mother is still alive, however over the years she has become very introverted and keeps to herself. She rarely contacts me and usually only talks if I contact her. She’s been through quite a bit in her life, so I never take it personally. I know she loves me, I just know she’s not herself anymore and just needs my love when she requests it. My Pappa, was a very special person. He passed away from Bone Cancer on December 16, 2013 and it’s still not easy at all. He was the only person on this planet who understood me 100%. I love my mother oh my goodness she’s everything to me, but my Pappa was oh so equally amazing and I miss him desperately. I cope like everyone should but it’s not easy.

    I am so sorry for your loss as well and knowing there are people who care and understand and support us through these times, make it easier. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤

    • says

      Thank you for sharing yours with me, also. I know other people in similar situations and….it’s hard to almost feel the grief of loss, for someone still here. I’m glad you had your Pappa to be such a special part of your life.
      Hugs & Prayers

  5. Jessie says

    Just received word that my son’s last living grandparent passed away. His father now belongs to the ‘adult orphan club” as I have been a member since 1999 when my mom passed away.
    My son’s Nana was a special lady in my life. Blessed all those years.

  6. Rose says

    I lost my mom when I was almost 10, and I am 36 now. It seems that with time it gets easier but then something happens that reminds me of her and it hits me again how much I miss her.

  7. Wendy says

    I too am orphaned at 52. I lost my Mom 2 years ago this coming Saturday. We buried her the day before Mother’s day, because it just worked out that way. I buried her with the Mother’s day card we had gotten for her, and my dad died the day before his Birthday, so I buried him with his Birthday card. I miss them so terribly, but especially my Mom, because she was with us for the last 8 months of her life. She had Pancreatic Cancer, and went basically 8 months from when she found out. I hope people read this, and take it to heart. The best thing that happened, for me, was knowing she was dying, I got to tell her EVERY day how much I loved her, and what she meant to me. I got to pamper her, with foot rubs, and she got warm towels and a warm robe, when she stepped out of the shower. She never lifted a finger, as my husband and I took care of everything. If I had to do it all over again, NOTHING would have changed. I am happy I got the chance to honor her, for as long as God would let me have her.

    • says

      Awww…this really touched me. My Mom died the day before her 42nd birthday, in 1988. I miss her terribly & I grieve the friends we could’ve been.
      Hugs my sweet friend

  8. Cheryl Ryan says

    Well said sweet girl. I too am motherless, having lost my Mom in 2013. I recoil with every advertisement concerning Mothers Day. Mine was my best friend and not having her is a pain I will never get over. You stated it well though, she is the sparrow I saw today, the laugh I shared and a thousand other things. She is in me and my choices every day. May you find joy this Mother’s Day, your Mom would want that for you.

  9. Connie says

    After the passing of both of my parents, one of my first thoughts was, “I am now an orphan.” I was reminded that quite the opposite is actually true – I’m a child of the KING and will never be alone!

  10. says

    Okay I have a RANT today. Running errands and have now been to 4 different stores. At all of the stores I got the normal “Mother’s Day Pitch”. That’s not a problem. Here’s my problem. Had to go to Wal-Mart because 2 other stores didn’t have what I needed. Trying to check out and the sales clerk said, have you bought your Mother’s Day Gift Yet? Told her no I didn’t do that. Well that was the WRONG thing to say I guess. This girl was all over me about how Mom’s deserved a gift on Mother’s Day. Tried again to not be rude and told her thanks for the suggestions. Again she starts in on the gift thing. Finally I HAD, HAD ENOUGH! I told her look gal I agree it’s a nice idea but NOT ALL OF HAVE MOTHERS! I was raised in an orphanage and don’t have one. Her reply is priceless, “You do have a mother and I think you should get her a card at least .” Oh my WRONG THING TO SAY TO ME. Looked at her and told her, “ENOUGH ALL READY”. I didn’t come in here to be harassed or put up with your point of view on Mother’s Day. All I wanted was this spray and instead of getting to check out I have been put down by someone that hasn’t a clue in this world. I just left the spray and left the store!

    If you have a mom I’m happy for you. Please remember though not all of us do and we don’t like it pushed down our throats. Okay I’m done. Oh by the way I still need that spray. Think I’ll try somewhere else on another day.

    This was my day today. Glad you have some good memories. All I have is the knowledge I was disposable.

    • says

      I’m so sorry your day was rough. I can kind of relate….I didn’t know mine until age 10. That’s why I said she wasn’t perfect. I also had a sister enter my life at age 35. She had been put up for adoption, 2 years before I was born.
      I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Hugs to you sweet friend

    • Cari says

      I have you in my prayers today, Annie. I had a mother, she told me many times she wished I was never born. I tried so hard to do the right stuff and hopefully one day she would love me. I would lie in bed and cry to myself that what was so awful about me that she didn’t want me and that my sister was perfect in her eyes. Just not me. This is not about feeling sorry for myself. I had to learn to deal with it. And like you every time mothers day came I wanted to avoid it. Like it didn’t exist. I have had a lot of bad things happen to me in my life – that I won’t go into, I too was always disposable. Just useful to some and only called if they needed something, but never actually included. There was someone always more important or better. I was thankful for good grandparents who loved me, they are gone. And people God put into my life the helped me not feel so alone. I have children who love me even though I am far from being the perfect mom I keep trying. Jesus said love your neighbor as yourself, ok I just didn’t love myself. How could I – my mother didn’t . In the last 2 years I have been learning how to “love” myself, get to know myself and show love to others not matter how awful they may treat you. I pray strength for you and love, and a hug from me to you. That you can feel love in your heart even though it has holes and the pain from not being wanted. In my marriages I was left for other women, so again I was not wanted. But God loves you! Even though your human parents didn’t He does! He said so!

      Psalm 139:13-14English Standard Version (ESV)

      13 For you formed my inward parts;
      you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
      14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
      Wonderful are your works;
      my soul knows it very well.

      I will remember you in my prayers from now on, that you get to know God and his love for you. That was the only thing that kept me from giving up. We as humans can fail, make mistakes or have bad things happen to us. But he can help us get through it even if its very terrible. – Cari

  11. Cindy Leckrone says

    i found my mama dead after coming home from skating at age 15. My last words to her was an argument. Every Mother’s Day at church was always hard. We tried for many years to have children. So every Mother’s Day when they would ask the mothers to stand up or come get a gift for being a mother…it hurt. We stopped going for years to church on Mother’s Day. We adopted later on. Thank you for your article. You’re the first to address those without moms.

  12. says

    Thanks for sharing your heart. I lost my mom at 27. I released a baby for adoption at 28 and didn’t have a child with my husband until nearly 32. My mom never met my children, except the one I sent to heaven after miscarriage. Mother’s day is bitter sweet. My kids are spread all over, but each touched base today. Someday I’ll have a decent home for them to bring home my grandchildren too, Lord willing. For now I’m thankful through the tears.

    • says

      Your story brought tears to my eyes too. I pray for God to bless you with all that you need to bring your babies home. Hugs to you

  13. says

    Thanks Dawn it has been a wonderful day. I actually shared your post on my FB page. I am still friends with a lot of the girls I grew up with in the Orphanage. They loved your story. We really can relate. Glad you got a chance to meet your mother. That is something that was out of reach for most of the kids I grew up with. There were around 350 of us. God bless and I wish you the best.

    • says

      Thank you! I understand your story too. I didn’t know mine until I was about 10. At age 30 I found out I had a sister that was 2 years older than me. She grew up in an orphanage. I am so blessed to have her in my life now. If I had known about her, I would’ve searched for her myself. I hope you had a beautiful Mother’s Day.
      God Bless ~ Dawn

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